We are better able to remember when we’ve ‘failed’ or ‘messed up’ more often than remember all the great things we’ve done and experienced.
The thing is?
Our brain is just trying to do its job and keep us safe. It wants to protect us and remind us of the dangers out there and tells us that we’ve failed before, and it’s not safe to try things again.
We can choose to accept the stories our mind is telling us, or we can challenge them and look at them from a different perspective.
The power to re-wire those thought patterns and train our brains is within us. It starts with focusing on how far we’ve come by seeing our past experiences as growth opportunities instead of failures.
That’s what those difficult experiences are — Growth opportunities!
I used to mentally beat myself up about past choices and decisions I had made. I had a lot of mom guilt, and worthiness issues, and was shaming myself regularly.
I most definitely wasn’t being my best friend; I was being my biggest bully.
What about you, can you relate?
For me, I was never good enough, smart enough, just — never enough. It took a lot of soul searching and help to work on shifting those thoughts and learning to be my own best friend.
I learned to look at some of my not-so-great experiences with a new lens, instead of seeing them as failures or mistakes, I started looking at how they could be seen as growth opportunities.
The biggest shift for me was when I was able to look back and see with eyes of compassion and reflection of what the REAL truth was, what I knew in my heart.
I was able to recognize that I have always done my best and that all my experiences have built me into the woman I am today.
I saw the strengths that I had, the wisdom I’d gained and I finally understood how those experiences had inevitably been for my highest good (even if they didn’t feel like that at the time)
I gained the full clarity that I wouldn’t or couldn’t be where I am today without going through those experiences.
Instead of feeling ashamed of my past, I’ve become proud of how far I’ve come.
— I saw my journey from a new perspective and felt so much lighter and happier because of it.
— I was able to let go of old stories that disempowered me to make space for new ones to move me forward.
I still find my mind likes to test me and bring back the old stories now and again. The difference between before and now? I now can recognize that it’s just fear showing up, and I can lovingly send it along its way. I hold onto the knowledge that I am, and always have been, doing the best I can in each moment, some moments are just better than others.
If you’ve struggled with beating yourself up for past choices, I encourage you to try this exercise below.
1. Grab a journal.
2. Find a quiet place.
3. Get comfortable.
4. Take a few deep breaths.
5. Sit in a space of love for yourself.
See yourself as one of your best friends, look at these with eyes and a heart of compassion. Remember, your past experiences have been growth opportunities, not failures!
Ask yourself:
1. Which experiences have been the most pivotal in my life?
2. What strengths did I call upon to get me through them?
3. How do those strengths continue to help me today?
4. Who am I today because of it?
Send me a message and let me know what you discover. What was your biggest ah-ha? I love hearing from you.